The Waiting Game

God pushes me in so many ways and even when I don't feel ready to face life challenges, He hands them to me and says to keep going.

This week, after our house being on the market for 100 days and us lowering the price a good $25k, we got an offer. I am not sure it will go through or what will happen with it, but it was nice to know that someone out there came in and likes our house and could make it their own.

If we didn't have to leave it, I would've easily stayed their another several years. It's difficult to look at the photos of all the work we put into it and not get to be there because it still feels like home. It's the first place since we were married that has and there are so many good memories there. But alas, we cannot keep it right now. It's not smart or practical and so we have to let it go.

It is so difficult to do that though, but I think God is making it easier by having buyers approach us finally. I hated the idea of selling it to a corporation to whom it is just a business transaction. At least we are not in the positions many people our age have found themselves in - unable to pay their mortgages and trying to fight off foreclosure. We were blessed in owning the house as long as we did and hope someday, we will get the chance to own another one.

This has been a good reminder to me that God will work it out. It has stinked and hasn't had the best outcome, but there is an end in sight and that brings a smile to my face.

With the challenges we have faced this summer, sometimes it's difficult to not compare ourselves to our friends and where they are in their lives. Most of them seem more financially stable and have everything more together. We have to remember that there are benefits and drawbacks of many of the life choices we make and it's easy to look from a distance and say "wow, wouldn't it be great...", but if you erase those choices, you may also very well erase who you became in the process and what gifts you have received as a result.

Now I feel like we just have to pick up the pieces and begin to move forward and build new dreams. We hope that one day, we will have a house again and can make it our own and things may be easier, but it is an important to remember that the easy times are not what shape us....it's the times when you have to really struggle that show what you're really made of. It's facing those difficulties without a clear way to solve the problems at hand trusting that God is leading you and knowing there's a plan for it all.

Although I definitely do not beg for more difficult times (I'm not psychotic:), I wouldn't trade any of the obstacles I have faced in my life for a life without challenges. I know so much of who I am and the faith in God, fight and determination I have are a direct result from those times. I know taking away the difficulties would be taking away many of the characteristics that make me stand out and make me the person I am. There's a definite peace in knowing that no matter how challenging life gets, I am so blessed with so many gifts and God doesn't leave me to face them alone.

A Different Perspective

So I was speaking with our landlady today on the phone and she was talking about how she had a lot of medical problems and travels to New York to see her doctors. I found out that she is a survivor from September 11.

I really think I am going to see if eventually she'll sit down with me for an interview about it and about what is going on with her health. I think it could be really intriguing and I'm sure it's been done, but I could really improve my video skills in the meantime, so why not?

She said she was in WTC Bldg. 1 on the 105th floor when the planes hit. Being from the Midwest, I have met few survivors of the attacks and am always really interested in hearing their stories and how it has changed their lives, assuming it has, or why not, if it didn't.

I think I've found my project I am going to focus on during my time out here. Who knows, maybe it'll launch a new career and new possibilities for us in the future.

A Place To Call Home

It's funny how God really begins to work things out when they seem impossible. I know i shouldn't be surprised because throughout my life it happens time and time again, but alas I am so very human and some situations seem to offer no hope.

We are in the process of selling our house where we used to live and we got an offer from the company, which was significantly lower than what we owed on the mortgage. We've worked out a deal with the company that will not leave us with anything extra, but should at least allow us to sell the house and start from scratch. It's really hard to let go of what you are trying to do and we feel like it's been a step back, but I feel blessed that in this terrible market we have an option. I am reminded often that many families don't and may face financial ruin because of it.

We finally moved into a new apartment and although I was against apartments, as far as this goes it's not bad. It's bigger than our house square foot wise and we have a garage for storage, a fenced-in back yard and a deck, calming my fears of having two little boys and no place for them to play. The neighborhood is filled with a lot of young families and I hope we can make soem friends here.

We visited the church we are planning on joining for mass last Sunday and felt right at home - it's definitely the place where God is calling us to be. We met very friendly and open people and hope it will be a positive experience for us.

I joined a Women of Grace study as well. I was quite hesitate because I am on average 15-20 years younger than most of the others in the group, but we have something in common.... we are all moms. That helps a bit. We'll see how it goes. I just am feeling the need for a community and a place to fit in more than ever.

Even though I have physically lived further away from home, I have never felt further from home. I always knew I would be coming back in a semester or less. When we lived in Chicago, I had to learn that I could spend the weekends "living" on the phone with friends or entertaining friends from far away or I could look for opportunities to make new friends and make myself more at home. It's just so difficult to start again from scratch, but I truly feel in my heart God has placed us here for a reason and I pray I open to accept the gifts and trials he has placed before me.