Thursday, October 30, 2008

There Is Always Good

UPDATE: Sydne Isabelle died this morning about an hour after she was born. She was 5 pounds and 19 inches long and beautiful. My brother was able to baptize her before they cut the umbilical cord and we pray she has found her place in heaven.

The hardest part about not being where your family lives is not being able to share both the happy and sad times of life.

Our niece was born this morning. She was diagnosed in utero with Potter's Syndrome and although she is not expected to live for long, we are rejoicing in her birth.

I would love to get a chance to see her or hold her, but my place is at home with my boys and traveling could jeopardize my youngest's health, which we just can't do.

Still it is hard sitting here, 1000 miles away knowing nothing I can do or say will help as she dies. Not that anything would help if I was there either, but I hate the miles that separate us.

I know I cannot know what they are going through because I have not lost a child at birth and everyone's experience losing children is different, but I know losing the three babies I lost to miscarriage broke my heart.

When we lost our first baby, I was more than 3 months pregnant and it felt like one of the longest days of my life. I felt like my body was turning on me because no matter what, I couldn't stop the inevitable from happening.

I never knew something could truly hurt so deeply. I never knew I could love someone so much I hadn't even seen. Watching my brother and sister-in-law go through this brings back many memories of losing my own angels and I have been praying all day God is enveloping them in His arms.

I think losing them, however, gave me one of the greatest gifts I could ever have. I learned to not take my children for granted. Not take for granted that they would be born, or they would do anything. I know we never thought it would happen to us when we lost Samuel, but when I gave birth to my first alive son and he was fine and healthy, I treasured it so very much. I was very aware that both he and his brother are not mine. They belong to God and so for however long or short I get them, it is a gift of time.

I don't know how you face these type of situations without faith. My main comfort when I lost my babies is knowing I will see them one day in heaven and they are my little intercessors.

My brother and sister-in-law have a very deep faith and I know that and the prayers will bring them through this.

I am excited to know that she will not be alone when she gets to heaven. That Sammy, Annabella and Esperanza along with many other relatives will be waiting there to greet her.

3 comments:

Laura said...

*cry,* and, *joy*. for however long it is granted.

Obsessedwithlife said...

Beautiful post. I have been thinking of you a lot, Maria. About how hard this must be for you on so many levels. Love you and hopefully see you in a couple weeks.

Kathie said...

eautiful and touching pot. Blessing from Costa Rica

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I'm a mommy, wife and educated woman with an inquisitive mind. I am always looking in ways to challenge and grow in my faith. Many wise people I have known have reminded me if I am not growing, I am going in the wrong direction.