Broken & Blessed

I have been pretty quiet on this blog lately because I have been exhausted. Our baby is still quite sick and after his week-long hospital stay and between sicknesses and around-the-clock meds and daily doctors appointments, we have had little time for much else.

I don't believe God only gives us what we can handle, because then we would never need to reach out to Him for help. This is important for me because I can be quite stubborn and know I need God, but don't always follow through in my life. The more challenging life gets, the more of a reminder I have of all the ways I can still put more of God in my life.

I do believe He gives us the resources and comes to us in people around us though to help us through when we just can't do it on our own.

While we have been overwhelmed with the realm of reality we are dealing with, we have also been overwhelmed (in a good way) with the graciousness of our family, friends and church community.

A ministry at our church I had just begun to get involved with has flooded us with offers to help in all sorts of ways. Many of the families we have never met or are just meeting now.

We have good friends who have been a good listening ear and who do the simple things that don't seem to get done. Thank you doesn't seem to be enough, but I don't think any words really can be.

We also have such a wonderful extended network of friends from the many places we have lived who are praying across the country and world right now, and that brings us the strength to do what we need to do as parents.

I never could have imagined what this year has brought. It has been challenging and a struggle, but we have been so blessed with the kind of community we have longed for and the type we grew up with, it is impossible not to be grateful.

It is humbling to accept help, but when you really need it you have little choice and it is important in our world of always building ourselves up, to be humbled.

One of my favorite praise songs, "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord," runs through my head. Because without us humbling ourselves, we cannot get closer to God. And if we are not growing closer to God, we are growing further away, which is not the direction I want to be headed.

I read somewhere once when it is too hard to just handle the week, handle the day. When it is too difficult to deal with the day, just deal with the hour. When it is too much to deal with the hour, deal with the minute and if that is too much, deal with the second. It sounds a bit silly, but thinking about that tends to make me smile because even when life is overwhelming, you can at least handle the day, hour, minute or at least second and the rest gets taken care of as it is needed to be addressed.

The greatest graces and gifts tend to come out of the most challenging situations in life - at least this has been my experience in my life - and I pray God will shape me more into the woman, wife and mother He wants me to be.

I am so glad I am a work in progress, because I still need a lot of refining:).

When You Know You are Doing The Will Of God

From the Mustard Seeds book by Mathew Kelly:

When you know you are doing the will of God, that alone is enough to sustain your happiness. When you don't have that, all the possessions in the world cannot sustain happiness in the depths of your heart.

It is so good to be reminded of often. Having all you could every want materially will not bring you happiness no matter how much you think it will. It's good for me to remember at times our family struggles financially and think, "if only we had x, y and z..."

We have a gift in the life we've been given. We have a beautiful family and we are called to live in the now and to do God's will. By doing that, we would all be much happier and have more peace in our lives.

The times I am truly listening to God's call in my life I find so much more peace than I could ever create on my own. I still have lots of ups and downs, but overall I am able to tackle so much more. What a wonderful gift!

A Place To Call Home

It's funny how God really begins to work things out when they seem impossible. I know i shouldn't be surprised because throughout my life it happens time and time again, but alas I am so very human and some situations seem to offer no hope.

We are in the process of selling our house where we used to live and we got an offer from the company, which was significantly lower than what we owed on the mortgage. We've worked out a deal with the company that will not leave us with anything extra, but should at least allow us to sell the house and start from scratch. It's really hard to let go of what you are trying to do and we feel like it's been a step back, but I feel blessed that in this terrible market we have an option. I am reminded often that many families don't and may face financial ruin because of it.

We finally moved into a new apartment and although I was against apartments, as far as this goes it's not bad. It's bigger than our house square foot wise and we have a garage for storage, a fenced-in back yard and a deck, calming my fears of having two little boys and no place for them to play. The neighborhood is filled with a lot of young families and I hope we can make soem friends here.

We visited the church we are planning on joining for mass last Sunday and felt right at home - it's definitely the place where God is calling us to be. We met very friendly and open people and hope it will be a positive experience for us.

I joined a Women of Grace study as well. I was quite hesitate because I am on average 15-20 years younger than most of the others in the group, but we have something in common.... we are all moms. That helps a bit. We'll see how it goes. I just am feeling the need for a community and a place to fit in more than ever.

Even though I have physically lived further away from home, I have never felt further from home. I always knew I would be coming back in a semester or less. When we lived in Chicago, I had to learn that I could spend the weekends "living" on the phone with friends or entertaining friends from far away or I could look for opportunities to make new friends and make myself more at home. It's just so difficult to start again from scratch, but I truly feel in my heart God has placed us here for a reason and I pray I open to accept the gifts and trials he has placed before me.

The Gifts In My Life

The last several months have been a lot of ups and downs, but mostly I feel like it's just been us trying to keep our heads above water. God continously reminds me when it seems like everything can't get worse, He is there carrying me when I can't walk one more step.

Out of the blue, we have been blessed with new people in our lives. Even with me stuck at home all the time, I have still had visitors and we have made it through. It is just nice to have interaction with others especially during this period. It's so nice when friends of your friends are people you would be drawn to anyway.

The doctors said I may be able to begin a modified bed rest in a few weeks, which at least gives me something to look forward to. Guess we'll see:).

Lately I've bene thinking about how difficult life has been and then I just get more frustrated and depressed. Instead I realized I really need to focus on all the gifts I still have in my life and what I can do to serve God, even from my prime spot on the couch.

My husband is such a gift in my life. Oh yes, we fight and don't agree on so many things, but when it comes down to it, he is my greatest supporter and my greatest ally and God reveals Himself to me through my husband in all the little things my husband does.

Whether it's getting up to make sure the door is locked each night after we're nice and comfy in bed or making sure I have milk in the fridge even when he hates milk and would likely never buy it if it weren't for me, he does so many things when he's so tired to serve me. They may not be the exciting romantic spur-of-the-moment weekends or grandieur things novels write about, but in the end those little things are more wonderful and really show how much someone really loves you than the other actions.

Why 'Led By Faith'

After years of living on the Internet (and years of hating to write despite attending fabulous Journalism schools) I have decided to begin blogging. Many of my friends who are stay-at-home moms say it's a great outlet and after moving to a new part of the country, I figured I'd give it a try.

Don't get me wrong...I've blogged before. I am a photographer though and it has always been centered around my baby or my photography. But this time, I think I'm doing it more as an outlet and also in a hope to reach to others out there who find themselves in similar situations.

My husband just got a job on the East Coast and although nearly everyone we know and love is in the Midwest, we prayed very long and hard and truly felt like God has called us out here. Why is so beyond me and I cannot even begin to answer.

The last few months have been so difficult and I've so much trouble imagining moving out here. Nothing against the area, but an area doesn't make a place worth living ... at least not in my book. I hate missing all the things i feel like I should be around for with our family and friends, but am trying so hard to focus on the positives on being out here.

So there's the name...led by faith. Because of our faith in God and His role in our lives, we truly believe He has called us to come out here. We may not know the reason and it may be painful right now, but I truly believe that when all is said and done, we will realize this in the overall plan of our lives.

I am human and do not ever claim to be some amazing human being...because I am not. I am just a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a niece and a friend trying to live the best life I am called to live. I am trying to balance what I hope to do with my photography and skills God has blessed me with along with the wonderful gift of spending more and more time with my little man and husband.

So here we are on our new adventure and although we do not know how long we will be around, I'm sure it will be interesting!