Why We're Here

So my youngest son has been in the hospital since mid week and although we're not here because he is sick (although he is), we are still having our fifth visit this year.

When we were praying about where we felt God was leading us to in the country in terms of jobs, we wanted with all we had for God to tell us we should move back home and have Him make it all work out. I knew I wanted it so bad I decided to pray that if that wasn't where we supposed to be at the time, no possibilities would present themselves and all doors would be closed. Well, all I can say is be careful what you pray for because there were literally NO opportunities in my husband's field when we were looking hard-core near home. Not only none there, there were also no opportunities anywhere in the surrounding cities either. I'd say God was speaking pretty clearly.

When we had our options laid out in front of us, I felt God was telling me we needed to move to Pennsylvania and the reason really disturbed me. I felt for months over and over and over again we needed to move here because the children's hospital was the best in the country. I was freaked out. I tried to find other reasons to move other places. I was 5 months pregnant and kept thinking, well my older child is well so what is going to be so wrong with my baby that I would need that kind of care anyway? I was praying for God to show me a definite answer and every time I turned around, I would see an ad or an article or something about this hospital, which 6 months earlier I hadn't even heard of.

God was showing me and I didn't like the answer so I was playing dumb. I feel pretty confident when I feel God speaking to me about most things that I know when He is truly speaking to me or if I am trying to feel like God is speaking to fulfill a selfish desire of mine.

I didn't want this to be the answer. I didn't want to start over again. I didn't want to think about having a kid that needed specialized medical care, much less any medical care. I just wanted to go home. But I knew God was speaking to me and so I shared this with my husband and a month later we were living out East.

Most of all, I didn't want one of the main reasons I felt like we were here to be true either. It took me nearly six months to share that thought with my husband. But now, a year into my youngest's life I finally can look at it and admit that is the main reason I felt like God was calling us to live here for right now. It shook me so much and I thought if I ignored it, maybe it wouldn't become true. But it did, even while I tried to ignore it. God knew what we needed and made sure we would have it.

I have no doubt we can get good medical care in many places across the country, but one thing they are seriously concerned of with my son is currently mainly treated in one of three locations across the country, and we just happen to live in one of the cities people bring their kids for treatments. We don't know still if this is what is going on with our son, but if it is, then we already have an experienced medical staff. How blessed are we that we just drive less than an hour?

One thing I have learned (over and over again:), is that life turns out so much better when God is the driver - not a passenger. A lot of times I don't understand where he is leading me, but in hindsight, it was the best option. I pray I can always put aside my selfish desires and follow the Lord wherever He leads me. He provides us with what we need and for that I am so grateful.

Every Little Blessing

After only being in this area for a little more than a year, both my husband and I feel like we have been very blessed in friendships and communities here. This past year has been difficult just being new to the region and spending more time with doctors and at hospitals than playing in playgroups many months, but we have been blessed by the face that God placed a few really, really good people in our lives who have made it feel like we have been friends forever. When we are with them, we don't feel so homesick and we are able to enjoy life as it is now.

On top of that we have such a strong faith community across the country of people who we have been blessed in sharing our lives with.

That being said, there was a family on Oprah yesterday when they were talking about miracle children. They had a son who lived for 99 days because he was born with Trisomy 18 and had many problems at birth. I saw a video the dad had made on YouTube a few months ago and was excited to see the interview with the parents. They had such a beautiful attitude toward his life and then his death. They documented every day they had with him. His mom said,

"I would tell Matt a lot: 'I'll be sad later. I'm going to enjoy every second now.' So even though his diagnosis never changed, we just decided we were going to enjoy every second that we had."

How wonderful would it be if we all had that attitude? If we could truly find the joys of being in the moments whether it means enjoying what little time you have left with a loved one or enjoying a situation that takes you somewhere you never expected to be (like Pennsylvania:).

In my life and I'm sure in many others, a lot of those unexpected turns and struggles help us appreciate life more and make our lives fuller. We spend so much time looking at the future, that we often forget to live in the present.

As much as we wish we could move closer to family, we are blessed beyond belief by where God has brought us. When we focus on the present, we still miss our hometown but we enjoy where God has put us this day and that He has given us this day to serve Him.

Fun Memories

So today is my husband's and my 6th anniversary. The fun thing about wedding anniversaries is you get to reminisce about where you've been and dream about where you are going.

My husband and I were talking about how when we were dating and near getting engaged we had a huge fight about "missing" one another. I had said I missed him after not seeing him most of the day and I did. I made him a late lunch and brought it to his work because he hadn't had time to stop and eat and so I could see him. He looked at me like I was absurd and said, "Well I didn't miss you." Needless to say that although he probably didn't mean it the way it came out, I was upset and we realized we had different meanings of the word "missed."

We created a new word that secretly meant we missed each other in the way that we both agreed on the meaning and all was good.

We were talking about that tonight and how over time, we have grown to miss each other more and more when we are apart. We have grown so much closer together because of moving all across the US together, going through two grad programs, losing babies and having our little boys and everything else in between. When we got married, we never could have imagined what life had in store for us, but we are blessed to share it together and blessed God has given us each other to walk hand in hand.

My hubby said, "You know when I am at work, I just can't wait to get home because I truly miss you and the boys." Then we looked at each other and laughed about it. It's nice to be missed and it's nice to have that history with someone... the history where you don't have to give the whole background story, you just say, "remember the time..." and they know exactly which one you are talking about.

I am so blessed to have married my best friend and blessed that through all of the struggles and trials, we grow closer together by leaning on each other and asking God to guide us.

And I'm grateful for being missed:).

So Many Blessings

With everything seemingly increasing in price and money often tight, it can be easy to overlook the blessings we are given. I am so often reminded by this. Last night my hubby and I went out on a date for his birthday and we got up talking about where we wished we were in life and where we are and we had to stop ourselves.

This week our baby, who is now 9 months old, was very sick again for the millionth time and on the verge of being hospitalized AGAIN blah, blah, blah. I was feeling very overwhelmed the last few weeks because we had been moving to a new place on top of him being sick again and not gaining weight the way he is supposed to and all that and I went to adoration. Sitting there I was gently reminded how blessed we are. Even if we struggle, we are still among some of the wealthiest people in the entire world. We live in a great country, definitely not perfect, but a place where so many freedoms are easily taken for granted.

My hubby has a good job that provides good health insurance for us. If our baby had been sick in another country without access to medical care or several decades ago, he could have easily died last winter or would have been talked about as he got older as being a very sick baby who barely made it. He is not a strong baby, but getting stronger. We have a choice of hospitals and doctors and although nearly all of our extra money we had saved up before and have tried saving since then has gone to his care, we wouldn't have it any other way. He is happy and relatively healthy and has the medicines and medical interventions he needs to stay alive. You can't put a price on that.

So today I am just thanking God we still have him with us. Many others aren't as fortunate and so whenever I get frustrated about finances, I just stop and take a look at my boys and my hubby and realize I am so blessed beyond belief. I can't ask for anything more.

Finally Up Again

So after another move, one just a few miles away and hopefully our last for awhile, I finally have Internet again. It was a weird experience not having it over the last week. Not quite a vacation because I was packing and unpacking - just weird. So now we are up and running again and all is right with the world - lol.

A funny story. I was using Internet on my laptop at our old house which is still hooked up to take care of a few bills, find some info, etc. My boys were bored because there were no toys or anything to do. My two-year-old took a scrap piece of cardboard, wrapped a piece of a Best Buy ad around it, handed it to his brother and told him "Happy Birthday." I went from getting frustrated to just laughing. The best part was the baby was just as excited to get the piece of cardboard as the two-year-old was to give it. It helped me stop and remember to be grateful for all the blessings in my life - Amen for that!

All In Perspective

I am human and have definitely experienced my times where I feel I "need" things that really aren't needs. Currently we are living in one of the wealthiest areas of Pennsylvania and not generally bringing in the same income as our friends, we make a lot of choices that a lot of people we are surrounded with don't ever think about. We are working on paying down debt and trying to save up for another house eventually, so it can be frustrating and challenging to keep "needs' in perspective.

I have lived in a third-world country and seen poverty first-hand and have lived in some of the nicest neighborhoods in the country. I feel so blessed to have had both experiences and it helps me to remember what "need" really is when I am feeling like I need something I really don't.

A high school teacher used to say there are three basic human needs that need to be met and as long as they are met, you can deal with the other stuff. People need food and water, basic clean living conditions and to feel safe, secure and loved in their environments.

When I am convinced I am needing a new wardrobe or ridiculously priced pair of shoes, I remind myself that while I may want them, I definitely don't need them. I am not going to die without them and if I don't buy them, I will often forget they even existed within days or weeks.

Anyway, this past week I have really been feeling frustrated with how long it seems to pay off debts and save money and worried about how to keep up with rising costs of all the staples.

Then I was reading my Good Housekeeping magazine this morning and came across an article I loved. The author, Firoozeh Dumas was talking about how her family began donating gifts for their kids birthdays instead of throwing lavish parties when she realized the nany she was hiring had a two-year-old son back in her own country and was just trying to make a better life for him. Later she recounts how they had saved a certain number of frequent flier miles in hopes to go to Paris, but a family member needed them so they decided their trip could wait and gave them to the family member instead.

"A few months later, we received a letter from the IRS reminding us we owed a thousand dollars due to the value of the miles. As my husband wrote the check grumbling about "not being able to afford winning," the realization struck me: If someone in my family gets sick, he can go to the doctor. We live in a house that is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have the "burden" of trying to lose weight becuase we have access to so much good food. More important, I can hug my children whenever I want. What else is there to win?"

It's always good to put each situation in perspecitive.

Lots of Catching Up

I have had a lot of thoughts on my mind the last few months, but was still unable to put into words what I wanted to say.

We found out my youngest who has been so sick does not have cystic fibrosis. What a relief that was! Most of our doctors assumed he did at one time or another because all we did was not working. I have a whole new respect for families, especially parents dealing with long-term health issues concerning their children.

I also am so grateful for the health insurance we have. I can now fully understand how not having adequate coverage, along with an unexpected health crisis can put a family out on the streets. Gratefully, we were nowhere close, but money definitely got tighter.

One thing my son's hospitalizations and repeated sicknesses, along with his daily medicines have reminded us is not to take life for granted. We are so grateful he is doing better, but know that could change at any moment and we have to appreciate every moment we have.

My husband and I also had many discussions about issues such as banking cord blood stem cells in case our children can be helped by it in the future.

We were also reminded of the power of prayer and the strong support communities we have, even though we are nearly 1000 miles from home. How God has blessed us with so many friends and family of faith!

This is long enough for a blog post, but finding out our son didn't have a serious illness was wonderful and we just spent the last several weeks rejoicing in the news. Thanks for all who continue to pray for him - he's one tough cookie. Please keep up the prayers as he almost was hospitalized a few weeks ago, but rest assured he is doing so much better.

Happy Mother's Day

I hope all my friends and family who are mother's had a wonderful Mother's Day. Ours was a little hectic, but very, very nice. I got to hear, "Happy Mama's Day" about 400times from my son who just turned 2 last week.

I enjoyed listening to my husband explain to the 2-year-old how they had to go on a "little bye-bye" while breakfast was being made because something didn't quite turn out as planned.

I was also blessed to talk with my mom and one of my grandma's as well as my mother-in-law and share a piece of mother's day with them.

I am so grateful for my husband who honored me by serving me today and allowing me a day off - probably the best gift there is to any mom.

Happy mother's day to all those who are mothers - it is the most important job you will ever have. Even though I get tired from the seemingly constant needs of our two boys, all the work is worth hearing my little man say "Happy Mama's Day," just one more time.

Ahhh - The Birthday of A Mom

So I woke up tired, but happy because it was my birthday and it's difficult to really be down on your birthday - or at least it is for me.

My husband made me a fabulous breakfast and my son and I drove him to work so we could use the car for the day. I was driving back when I heard my son start yacking up his breakfast all over the car. At first I was like, "oh no!" and then I started laughing.

I pulled to the side of the road and started cleaning up the mess, stripping him down to his diaper and using wet wipes to mop as much up as possible. Being very pregnant, I got a little sick myself. After we got the initial mess cleaned up, I thought about it the whole way home. Even if I didn't want to, there was that beautiful smell permeating our car so the thoughts lingered.

I thought about how your perspective, expectations and desires in life change as you have kids. When I was younger, my birthday meant I didn't have to do any chores all day long. I could play with my friends, talk on the phone, etc. It was such a gift - so much better than most material possessions.

Even when I was a young adult and a young married person without kids, the day was still all mine. I could do whatever or not do whatever I wanted. I could sleep in, go to a spa, hang out with friends or just be.

Now as a mom, all that is totally different....and I LOVE it. No my idea of a perfect birthday is not cleaning up barf....that was way, way down on the list. My ideal birthday now includes just being....being with my husband and son. Enjoying a nice meal and celebrating the life we have together. We didn't go out to a fancy restaurant (although my husband made a dish only to be rivaled in the best places around). We didn't have a day without kids - instead I chose to keep my son home the daycare he is still attending because I missed him and wanted to spend the day with the ones I love. There was no last minute getaways or anything else as grand. It was exactly what I hoped for. A day playing with my son and enjoying time with my husband. I did some laundry, and worked on the kitchen a bit.....but it wasn't a bother.

When I think of all the ways I have been blessed in my life, I can't imagine it any other way and I try to spend more time looking at the positives instead of the negatives. I may not have all this laundry or dishes in my life.... or I may never spend a birthday cleaning up barf...., but then that would mean I wouldn't have a little person or a husband that I am doing it for either. That trade-off would never be worth it to me.

I'll take the extra dishes and laundry any day:)