Why Carry A Dying Child?

So I actually read an article by in One More Soul before heading home and learning of the problems our sister-in-law and brother are facing while five months pregnant with their second child.

It struck me on so many levels, but ultimately because I am a mom and abortion is not a choice for me no matter what prenatal diagnosis we receive. This mom lost two of her babies to the same disease. She wrote this piece while pregnant with the daughter she knew would die much like her older son did. Ultimately though, she was able to savor the time she did have with them.

I could not find the article on the One More Soul Web site, but I found it on another very interesting site, Be Not Afraid. Click here to read Teresa Streckfuss' story.

These two parts were the most striking to me:

Some people think we carried Benedict and Charlotte to term because we don’t agree with abortion, because we are Catholic, or perhaps because our nephew was carried to term after a fatal diagnosis. While these factors probably all played a part in our immediate refusal of the option to ‘terminate’, this is not what it’s all about! It’s about love! It’s about my baby! It’s not about some tragic, fatal medical condition - it’s about my child. We do not possess more strength than other people. It’s not because we can cope where others wouldn’t. There is no way to avoid the sad fact that she cannot live long after birth with this condition, but causing Charlotte to die earlier will not stop this happening. Causing her to die earlier will only take from us the beautiful experience of knowing and loving her.

and

So don’t pity us for carrying a child we know will die. Carrying this beautiful person is an honour. Grieve for the fact that our baby will die. We wouldn’t wish away the time we had with Benedict, and also this time we are now experiencing with Charlotte, just to save us the pain of losing them. I’ve always thought of it like this; if your 3 year old was diagnosed with untreatable, fatal cancer and had only 4 months to live; would you prefer the doctor kill your child straight away so that you didn’t have to wait for his/her impending death? Or would you prefer to spend as much time as you could with your child and love him/her for as long as you had left?

As a mother who has lost three babies early in pregnancies, I longed to hold them or spend time with them. I never wished I wouldn't have been pregnant with them even though losing them was so painful. I felt like losing them, I came to such a deeper understanding of the value of life. Each of my babies have a name and I often think about them as I watch my beautiful boys play.

I know my experience is not the same as this woman's or honestly any other person's, even those with similar circumstances. Each person walks their own path. But I know the pain and sadness that can accompany a person when they find out their baby is or will likely die. It is so deep and hard to bear, thank God we don't have to bear it alone.

This article was very touching and a beautiful testament to this woman's faith and trust in God. I have read it several times over the past few weeks and am sure I will hold onto it.

And Now For Another Request....

We found out our niece/nephew has some serious health issues. My sister-in-law is more than 5 months pregnant now and the ultrasounds showed some abnormalities. The doctor's haven't given our brother and sister-in-law a good prognosis, so we are all preparing for what may come, but praying for a miracle.

Please join me in praying for the baby and for my brother and sister-in-law. May God grant them the strength to face this storm, the support they need and the ability to love the baby as long as they have him/her here.

Just For Today

Likely you have seen this, but this is one of those poems that makes me smile and think when I read it. I think of all the times as a mom I get frustrated or short on patience and how most of the stuff that is bugging me really isn't a big deal in the end. I know my little man is just a kid and what he wants most from me is time with him. I know that if anything would happen to him, all this other 'stuff' that occupies a lot of my time wouldn't matter. It' s good reminder to cherish and spend time on the important things in life.

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day.

Ahhh - The Birthday of A Mom

So I woke up tired, but happy because it was my birthday and it's difficult to really be down on your birthday - or at least it is for me.

My husband made me a fabulous breakfast and my son and I drove him to work so we could use the car for the day. I was driving back when I heard my son start yacking up his breakfast all over the car. At first I was like, "oh no!" and then I started laughing.

I pulled to the side of the road and started cleaning up the mess, stripping him down to his diaper and using wet wipes to mop as much up as possible. Being very pregnant, I got a little sick myself. After we got the initial mess cleaned up, I thought about it the whole way home. Even if I didn't want to, there was that beautiful smell permeating our car so the thoughts lingered.

I thought about how your perspective, expectations and desires in life change as you have kids. When I was younger, my birthday meant I didn't have to do any chores all day long. I could play with my friends, talk on the phone, etc. It was such a gift - so much better than most material possessions.

Even when I was a young adult and a young married person without kids, the day was still all mine. I could do whatever or not do whatever I wanted. I could sleep in, go to a spa, hang out with friends or just be.

Now as a mom, all that is totally different....and I LOVE it. No my idea of a perfect birthday is not cleaning up barf....that was way, way down on the list. My ideal birthday now includes just being....being with my husband and son. Enjoying a nice meal and celebrating the life we have together. We didn't go out to a fancy restaurant (although my husband made a dish only to be rivaled in the best places around). We didn't have a day without kids - instead I chose to keep my son home the daycare he is still attending because I missed him and wanted to spend the day with the ones I love. There was no last minute getaways or anything else as grand. It was exactly what I hoped for. A day playing with my son and enjoying time with my husband. I did some laundry, and worked on the kitchen a bit.....but it wasn't a bother.

When I think of all the ways I have been blessed in my life, I can't imagine it any other way and I try to spend more time looking at the positives instead of the negatives. I may not have all this laundry or dishes in my life.... or I may never spend a birthday cleaning up barf...., but then that would mean I wouldn't have a little person or a husband that I am doing it for either. That trade-off would never be worth it to me.

I'll take the extra dishes and laundry any day:)

Yippee!

I am so happy to report I have been let off of the complete bed rest that I have been confined to for the last month. I still have to take it easy, but it was the best news I could have gotten. It was great timing because my best friend was in town so we actually got to go do some things instead of hang out in the hotel room all weekend.

God is teaching me so much patience this summer and a lot of times, I don't want the lessons but know they make me a stronger woman of faith. I am so blessed to have all the support I have, even being so far away from home. It is easy to get discouraged when everything seems to be working against you, but in the last week we have secured a place to live, found out the baby is developing normally and that I can resume some normal activities - all good news when it was really needed! Now if only I could have a drink....:).

Chaos and Blessings

That seems to fit life pretty well right now. In the midst of all of our chaos, we have had many blessings and are so grateful for friends, family and prayer partners God has placed in our lives over the years.

We thought we found a place to move into by next Friday, unfortunately the tenants can't get out in time and so we either have to find another place, find a smaller place, try to extend our stay here for a few weeks and rent a storage unit or pay a lot more for a place that's too pricey. We're not sure what will be the best option, but pray God shows us what path we should take.

With me being on complete bedrest, our toddler began daycare full-time. I hate putting him in it and he cries when we have to leave him, but I know at least he's getting a chance to play and be active instead of sit at home with me.

I was so pleasantly surprised by a box of goodies from friends in Minneapolis. It really, really made my day a bit brighter and was a very wonderful surprise. I also got a wonderful box of crocheting goodies and books from my mom, which really helps kill the boredom.

We've also gotten several prayers from many places and a lot of support who have faced similar situations. It really seems like when it rains, it truly pours. It is just nice to have people share their experiences saying they've been there and are still alive to talk about it:). It has really helped me feel more hopeful that this too will pass and we'll come out that much stronger when it is over.

My husband is such a blessing to me, especially during this time. He has taken on so much with no complaint and I know it's not easy for him. I couldn't ask for a more selfless and loving spouse. At times like these, when one of us truly carries the load (right now him), I really remember what a good team we can be.

He said sometimes he really enjoys me having to need him because I don't tend to be as needy as a lot of girls and would rather do a lot of things on my own. We truly need each other for support and love and prayers and it can be easy to forget when things are running smoothly. We especially need it during things like wrapping up grad school, moving to a new city and state and me being on months of bedrest.

So I thank God for a good man who makes me so thankful I married him. Even through our struggles and frustrations, we are gently reminded our marriage really is worth fighting for and we should always seek to strengthen the relationship and marriage we have, because it truly is a gift.